A lesson in Suffering..

“What is best about our lives -the moments when we are, as we would put it, at our happiest- is both pleasant and deeply unpleasant. Happiness is not a feeling; it is a way of being.” Mark Rowlands



My partner had stopped a few hundred yards back to re-organize his gear and now I realize for the moment I’m alone. Making my way up switch back after switch back, a footstep being silenced by the soft wet earth under my foot.The dark green of the dense forest gives way to the subtle eerie contrast of the fog I was now enveloped in. It was Peaceful and Zen like; I take this moment to try to clear my head and the stress of everyday life. The mountains are an amazing natural force, and not one to take for granted. While they are known to be incredibly nurturing and healing, they can also just as quickly maim or kill you. They decide who stays and who goes.
 

About this point in the climb, I went from feeling decent to downright suffering. The accumulation of long work hours, lack of fitness and other non tangible niggles had caught up to me. My Legs went from jello, to pudding to not really wanting to move at all, it was beyond frustrating I had never felt that way ever. So close to the summit I refuse to quit, even though everything in mind and body tell me to just go home. Soon enough my body starts to rebel with nausea. Breaking out of the forest to the sub alpine terrain, the approach starts to steepen, my legs are whining even more. Push, step up, stop, push, step up, stop and repeat. It's all I could do to keep from wanting to vomit. As I reached the saddle, I took a minute to revel in what I had achieved so far and was in awe at the landscape and super pleased that after leaving a down pour at the trailhead, it seemed like it was breaking with the sun intermittently poking through. It seemed like I may get to climb after all. After soaking in the surrounding beauty of the thick white clouds rolling over the ridges like a tidal wave, and crawling up the mountainside like a flame would crawl up a wall, I turn my attention to the final summit block.
 

What lied directly ahead of us was a very obtainable wall in dry conditions or if I was roped up. It didn't look any worse than maybe a low 5.8, but since it was wet, plus we didn't bring a rope we decided not chance fate. Scouring the wall a little more to the west, we found a better option a very short low class 4, maybe high class 3 rock that led to a ledge that you from there you could essentially walk up. After donning our climbing shoes, Richard starts up the first bit, it is easy climbing but I reach this one stretch where there isn't a whole lot of option for foot and hand placement. Considering the wet rock, and gloved hands I was not super excited about the predicament of having to down climb this. I look at Richard who was already topped out on the ledge, “Does it look like there is a better solution to down climb available from your view point?" I asked. He told me it looked like the ledge sloped down to a low lying shelf that could be easily down climbed. That was enough for me, and up I went. The rest was fairly simple boulder hopping to the summit, but in my condition I still felt worked, and I was still suffering. Once I reached the top and gave Richard a high five, I had to sit down. I was trying to relax and allow my body to adjust to the stress; I was fighting the ever growing urge to vomit. It was not how I envisioned the adventure, but sometimes just like in life, things don't go as planned and you have to roll with the tide. I knew the trip down would be less taxing on my body, if I could just hold on a little longer. Making quick work of the down climb, we reach our stashed packs. The last little uphill to the packs did a number on me. I leaned against the rock wall, with my helmet resting against the wall, closing my eyes praying that I will get through this. A few minutes later I didn't get my prayers answered but I felt significantly better.
 

I suffered greatly that day, but I persevered. It is moments like these that make us tougher in mind and body. They also create better stories, or memories to remember because let’s face it how often to remember the easily obtained goals. It was an epic trip that I will soon come back to.